Sex and Sensibility

By Monday afternoon, I’d spent a fair bit of time thinking over the events of the previous night of Grime and Punishment. Aside from the somewhat disappointing discovery that I was not, as it turned out, the reformer of young men, there was also the entire Rob debacle. I hadn’t taken any of it very seriously at the time (bit busy), but the more I thought about it afterwards, the more I felt... annoyed.

What it boils down to is that Rob and I have been in a constant power struggle ever since we started sleeping together two years ago. In the beginning I had to play my best game to keep up with him. And then... I just stopped caring. Ladies, just so you know, this is undoubtedly the key to “the game”, the holy grail of dating in this day and age... If you want to behave like you don’t give a fuck, try not giving a fuck. It’s been a revelation! Honestly, I can’t recommend it enough. Unfortunately, in keeping with effective gameplay, the more successful I’ve got at ignoring Rob’s calls, never being available when he wants, and having sex only on my terms, the more keen Rob has become. I believe it’s called Wanting What You Can’t Have.

(Except of course, he could have me, and did. I just made life more difficult for him. And there’s definitely an undeniable sadistic satisfaction in that...)

Anyway, my recent aloofness probably explains his charming declarations on Sunday. To recap: He “adores me”. For someone capable of such complex thought, his behaviour is so wonderfully transparent... I just know exactly the way Rob’s mind works. Me – not interested; Rob – interested. It is genuinely as simple as that! The crying shame of the whole thing is that despite being in possession of all this intelligent insight, I was so worn down by the end of our conversation on Sunday night that I just gave in and agreed to see him the following evening. Hardly the cast iron resolve of an emancipated woman.

When he arrived at the pub the next night I had just had quite a long moan about him to my friends, and was in a vaguely unpleasant mood. I was making a little mental checklist of sexual privileges I would withhold in order to... I dunno, what? Punish him. That’s what.

Here’s a sexual privilege I should think more seriously about withholding – the sex! That has actually occurred to me, I can just hardly ever be bothered to shoo him away more than 2 or 3 times in a row. Persistence works, as it turns out. At least I wasn’t going to try and teach him a lesson, I suppose that’s something.

Upon arrival, Rob announced he wanted to go for sushi (“or dim sum, at a push.”)... Brilliant. I was starving, and kept hovering plaintively at the thresholds of different eateries that we passed. Why not Mexican? Why not Italian? French? Thai?! No, he’d got it into his head; he wanted what he wanted... Only sushi (yes, alright, or dim sum) would do for the Little Prince...

We ended up eating cheap supermarket sushi on a low wall surrounding the Russian Embassy. In the dark. (Seriously, the street lights are not that great round there. Although to be fair, there was the occasional light from the security guard’s torch that swept across the tray of raw salmon in my lap... So, you know, it wasn’t that bad. *mirthless laugh*).

In a romcom, this would be painted as romantic. The hero and heroine would laugh for years to come at their fun jaunt around Kensington Palace Gardens. In actual fact, I had a cold bum from the concrete wall and bits of wasabi all over my tights. I was continually adding more things to my mental checklist... “No blow job for you, mister!”, “There goes the tit wank...” etc. It was shaping up to be a bit of a disastrous night.

I can’t deny that I enjoy having sex with Rob. It’s just everything else I can’t be bothered with. A little voice in my head (knickers) is saying: ‘Maybe I could just put all that out of my mind and carry on as before...?!’ But I must be realistic; I must start being sensible about the sex. Since when have I resented someone for wanting to sleep with me? Something’s not right.

So how do I broach this subject with Rob? It’s hard when a relationship is so... nothingmuchinparticular, to actually put a stop to it. It feels like you’re making it more significant than it is just by acknowledging you want it finished. Maybe I’ll just demand to see him a lot – If he’s so keen on getting what he can’t have, that could have the perfect reverse effect! Or, you know, my tin-pot psychology could be waaayyy off (not unheard of *cough*), and the whole plan could backfire horribly. I think I’ll have to actually talk to him like an adult. Damn. I’ll keep you posted.

BeDJ